Song For You
by Nanaki BH
Summary: [RenoxRufus] Reno's forced to sit outside of Rufus' hospital room after the WEAPON attack.


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all associated materials are property of Squaresoft. The song "Song For You" belongs to Fuel.

Song For You  
By: Nanaki BH

_Stupid_, I thought, _I'm just so damn stupid._

I'm selfish too, while I'm at it – we can't forget that one, heavens no.

Just… I kicked my feet up against the wall, letting them slide down slowly. I just didn't expect something like that to happen. I closed my eyes, resting my arms behind my neck. Behind my eyes though, I could only imagine his face; the horribly pain-stricken face of a man who was supposed to be the most infinitely powerful man in the entire world.

He was in pain and there I was, sitting outside of his hospital room, able to do absolutely nothing to help him. Where was I? Where had I been when he was attacked? Why the hell wasn't I doing my job? I could have saved him. I could have kept that from ever happening and he wouldn't have to look so tortured in there.

At least, that's what my mind was letting me believe. In fact, I had no idea what he looked like and that's what made it even more horrifying. For all I knew, he was in there with his guts hanging out; doctors above him asking nurses to get the damn sewing kit before the poor doll lost all of his stuffing. I couldn't take it. He could have been in there with legs and arms broken or horribly shattered – or worse, no limbs at all.

I swallowed back my nausea and turned my mp3 player up, trying to drown out my horrifyingly grisly thoughts to no avail. I just had no idea what his condition was. They wouldn't let me in to see him; said I couldn't go in because I wasn't a relative. Bull. Shit. Like that mattered one fucking insignificant bit. I had my right to be in there just as much as anybody else did. He had no relatives after all. Actually, I had more of a right than anybody.

I mattered more to him than anybody.

It didn't matter what the hell they wanted to tell me because that was the only thought that I could console myself with. It was the only thing that could keep me from going completely out of my mind. But it was also the same notion that made me worry about him even more. When I got to the hospital, all I could do was run up there with Rude trailing behind me. I kept banging on that fucking door and they wouldn't let me in, didn't let me see anything. I didn't even get to see even a tiny glimpse of his face.

Did he hear me shouting for him? Did he know that I was there outside of his door the whole time, pacing back and forth, burning holes in the soles of my shoes?

Maybe. Maybe not. Once again, for all I knew, he could have been drenched in his own blood, so shell-shocked he couldn't hear a damn whisper. Nah. That wouldn't be dramatic enough. He could probably hear whispers; the hushed, muted voices of the doctors around him, talking about some bullshit that had nothing to do with saving his life.

That's right. I didn't even know those damn quacks. They could have been child-killers, modern practitioners of human science and mutilation.

I covered my hands over my ears. I wouldn't hear it. I wouldn't hear any of it; the voice in my head that threatened my sanity with words of fear and talk of such gruesome things. I just… I wanted to just hear his voice; even a choked whisper, if possible. I just wanted the tiniest bit of reassurance from him, to let me know that I had never done anything wrong so I wouldn't have to live the rest of my life in regret and guilt, feeling as though I could have done something to stop it from ever happening.

I mean, how big was that thing? Never in a million years could I go up against a WEAPON barehanded like Cloud and AVALANCHE, but I could have surely gotten in that room. It was _huge_. It's the kind of thing you can see a mile away. I could have run up to that room and grabbed his arm and tugged him out of there, no questions asked.

It was the least I could have done.

Hopelessly, a tear slid down my cheek but I didn't bother batting it away.

I just felt… so hopeless – worthless. My job – my purpose – had gone unfulfilled.

And where were my friends when I needed them most? Tseng, Elena… They weren't exactly what I would call the best of friends, but where was Rude when I needed him the most? I think he'd said something about running off to get coffee, the bastard. He left me there because he didn't know what to say to me, that's what it was.

I let go of a sigh and threw my arms back, not caring if I was blocking the entire hallway for whoever wanted to come by. I was a man in grieving, dammit, and if I wanted to take up the entire hallway with my sorrow, then that's what I was going to do.

I couldn't hear much out in the hall; only the soft clinking of metallic objects in the room and the bothered chatter of the people busily working about his body inside. That's whenever I would pause my music, of course. I couldn't take listening to them. Sometimes I wished that he would cry out, scream just loud enough so I could hear it through the blaring music that was pumped into my ears to keep out their insensitive voices.

Quarter past two, I noticed when I looked up at the clock. From the floor, it was a little harder than usual to figure out what the hands said, being upside down and all. It made me wonder how much longer they would be if I'd already been there for a little more than five hours. Nobody takes that long in an operating room, so what the hell were they doing? Psh. Like I would have ever been able to find out anyway.

How much longer would it be before I could see him again?

Hold him again?

Kiss him again…?

I guess it was reassuring in a way; the fact that they'd been in there so long with him. I was sure it meant _something _in regard to his condition. He wasn't dead, for sure, and if he didn't have a chance, it wouldn't have been taking them so long. All I could do was cross my fingers and hope. I prayed to anybody who would listen to my pathetic prayers.

How cruel it was, I thought, that every song that came on to my mp3 player somehow had something to do with us, our love. Even the happy ones somehow sounded sad to my ears.

A small, empty laugh passed my lips when I found myself singing along.

"_Venus, I thought you'd bless me, too_

_So selfish to presume_

_So I sing this song for you_

_And I hope that what is true_

_Will find a way to you_

_I sing this song for you_"

Author's Notes: Sorry I've been off the scene for such a long while. I've been working on school, school, and more school lately. All that will change with summer, though! I hope you enjoyed this one. It was made for "#14, radio-cassette player" on Livejournal's 30kisses challenge. Feedback is always appreciated!


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